aren't words such a powerful thing? a persons words could change someones life. Or in a more settle way, a persons words could change someones day. whether it be in a good way or a bad way. you know, i laughed just a little to myself when i thought hard about this today..i can decide whether i want to hold on to words, or if i want to let them go. I can decide, it is MY choice. but yet, words still have such a huge influence in a persons life. for example, today i was talking with a few girly friends and some words that came out of one of their mouths have not left my head. i cannot stop thinking about them and it totally turned my night around. and no, these words werent good words, but they werent said in a way that was meant to be bad. I guess i just took them in a way that i really shouldnt have because i'm sure if she knew that it totally impacted my night then she would feel horrible. and thats when i giggle. i giggle because to me, those words were very bold but to her, they were light. and this is why i decided to write this post. because i feel that if i write out my feelings and let them out, then i wont hold them in any longer.

I am the type of person that bottles things in. I bottle them in until i just cant anymore, to where i am having such a good day, then bam, i just feel like crying. but i hate crying, i dont know why but even when i'm all by myself i still talk my self out of crying. its really a horrible thing. i have to sit here and tell myself over and over, it is okay to cry. JUST CRY ALREADY. if i dont cry then i'm going to get more zits and that would make me very sad. so just cry now so that i can get it out of my system and once i cry everything will be okay .. sometimes (after about the 20th time) it works. but never a stream of tears. just a few here and there. dont get me wrong, i can definitely have myself a good cry, but most of the time its when i'm with someone and i HAVE to speak words but without those words come tears. because you know those times where you are having a conversation or something and during this conversation you keep telling yourself to not cry then all of the sudden its your turn to talk and as your first word starts to come out you cry. you cry to the point where you can hardly even get the words out. or even better is when you cant even remember what you were about to say. oh yes. i know that feeling well. but i occasionally think about how i wish i was the type of person that could just get in my car, turn on a really loud and good song and just cry cry cry then be done. but thats just not how i am. and i'm okay with that.

i dont really know how i got on to the subject of crying. i didnt mean for this post to be totally and completely blubberish but i just needed to write. i needed to write to let out my words and feelings so that i dont bottle them in.

even in saying all of these things, i am a very happy person. I am going through a time in my life where i am incredibly thankful for the love and life that i have. and yep, i'm about to say it, i am SO unbelievably blessed!! i have a great family that i am so close to and a fiance that is by my side no matter what. everyday i get more and more excited for my future and what it has to bring for me.

that is all for tonight. xoxo.